Tch Tch.. You are so thin

I have heard the above sentence as many times as you have seen Emraan Hashmi kissing girls on screen. From the dudhwali aunty and the istriwale bhaiyya near my home, to the managerial people in my office, everyone has only one reaction when they see me “Tch tch.. You are so thin.”

Everyday I look into the mirror and search if I have built some meat in those arms; a search for which even Google would put its hand up and accept defeat. My body can even make Kareena Kapoor run to gymnasium and rediscover what is size zero. I just wonder what my wife would think of me when I take off my clothes on my wedding night.

You do not need much of a taunt to make me lose all my confidence. Just switch on the TV and you will only see men with abs placed as though they are bricks neatly piled up one over another and veins sticking out from the biceps. These are the only kind of male species who you see in the movies. They beat up the bad boys, impress all the women in their colony/college and finally run away with the most beautiful chick in the planet. If you don't have 6 packs, you don't deserve to exist.

Perhaps the biggest obstacle for my existence arises when I enter a branded showroom to buy clothes. You can tame blue whales and take them for a morning walk with you, make Harman Baweja deliver a hit film before 2050 but you won't find a single piece of cloth that would fit and suite me. Even there, men with 6 packs walk away with all the attention and a “tee shirt for a mosquito like you??” look from the salesmen is what I end up with. Fashion designers don't read my blog (in fact, no one reads my blog) or else it would have been of some help.

If you are slim, forget driving fancy bikes. Those machines are again, for the guys with large amount of flesh, not for guys with large percentage of bones. So even if I dream of owning a Hayabusa one day, I know I only have to adjust with a Splendour or a Discover. Chill out my boy. You will never be able to afford even the exhaust pipe of Hayabusa, leave alone owning it.

Well well well.. These are just some of the problems encountered by me for being slim. The actual list will run down to several volumes of books but above three are the ones that makes me freak out. Being slim is not the worst thing in the world but to make things easy for the Health Ministry, 6 pack abs will not be too bad. So I, Anil Kumar H.S, swear on Parvez Musharaff, that I will work actively to get half a dozen packs under my chest.